divorceandthefamily

Top Reasons for Divorce: The Marriage Killers

2007-06-07T10:36:00.002-07:00

Well you have finally done it. You took the Plunge. You said the two most famous words of all time "I Do" I am sure, like everyone else that has walked up the isle, you were thinking of the top reasons for divorce. This is very natural to think that, this is inevitability the biggest decision of your life. You should be concerned about the top reasons for divorce, and you should study them, and work at avoiding them or repairing them, to ensure a lifetime of happiness with the one you love.

The first thing to remember is do not over commit and create physical exhaustion in your life right after you get married. For many young couples you will try to go to collage, work full-time, have a family, remodel you house and maybe start a business. Then you wonder why your marriage is falling apart. Why wouldn't it? This is too much. There is no time for your relationship and growing it. The only time you see each other is when you are totally physically exhausted. This will not grow a marriage, this will destroy it. Make a plan when you start your marriage. Plan secondary education, plan when to start a family, plan when to start that business. Do not do it all at once. Now that you have a plan, let's discuss another top reason for divorce.

Excessive credit and conflict on how you spend you money is a big marriage killer. Pay cash for all consumable items, or do not buy them. This is very simple, but seldom done. You hear the television commercials. No money down, no interest for one year. Great a new big screen TV, new bedroom set, new living room set. Well, things will be good for one year, and then the bills start coming in and the fighting over finances begin. Start with a small house, and a used car in the price range you can afford. Don't listen to your banker; they want you to get the biggest loan they claim you both can afford. What happened if one of you loose your job, or want to go back to school? By properly allocation your finances, and not buying things on credit, you leave option open, money to spend on yourselves together, and avoid the constant financial arguments that are one of the top reasons for divorce. Now your life is not over committed and your finances are in order, what else is there to look for.

Although highly overlooked, an unhealthy relationship with the in-laws is one of the top reasons for divorce. You must remember, that your new partner in life comes first, and if the in-laws keep budding into your marriage, take control of it early. This can especially happen if you live close to your in-laws. You have to let them know, with love and affection, that you and your spouse have a life together you both need to be fully emancipated from the parents. You need a healthy relationship with your in-laws or this can be a marriage killer.

If you want to help your marriage today and avoid your marriage getting to the point of destruction, you need to begin identifying what the top reasons for divorce could be in your relationship. Look hard into your marriage, and talk to your partner, and any aspect of your relationship that you discover could possible be a marriage killer, destroy it early. As you study your marriage looking what could be your top reasons for divorce, remember, it is almost always 100% worth saving, and almost always easy to save, if the problem is realized early, and you and your spouse work as a team to continue to grow your relationship.

Joseph J. Wood, as a professional researcher and author, has dramatically helped many experiencing or about to experience divorce through his writings. On his website, http://www.divorceandyourfamily.info he outlines many more ideas on this topic.

The Truth behind the Top Reasons for Divorce

2007-06-07T10:36:00.001-07:00

When couples are walking down the isle together, there is one thing that they do not say, but are all thinking. Up to 60% of marriages today will end in divorce and they are thinking about what are the top reasons for divorce. They also are wondering why they are rushing down the isle towards the alter possible only to end up in divorce court years later. What can they expect in their marriage? Should they reconsider? This article will address some of the top reasons for divorce, and hopefully, providing you this knowledge early help you have a successful marriage.

First of all, marriages either crumble or they grow. A marriage can never remain passive. That being said, a marriage will never always remain the same. It will be either growing, or dieing. In a strong solid marriage, the participants never stop trying to make things better. The problem in a bad or crumbling marriage is that the couples have stopped trying to make things better.

Selfishness will destroy a marriage. There are two kinds of people in this world. People that give, and people that take. A marriage with two givers can be a beautiful and strong marriage. But, a marriage with two takers can be destructive. These takers can claw each other to pieces in a matter of months. In a marriage between a giver and a taker, there is always friction, but is quite workable. Selfishness will destroy the marriage in a short period of time. Having realistic expectations of your partner will greatly increase your chances of a great marriage.

Unrealistic expectations are very harmful. When you come into a marriage anticipating walks on the beach, unlimited joy and immediate financial success in your lives, you are in trouble. Yes, it is nice to have those things, but they should be goals at the beginning of you marriage, goals to work towards, not expectations. The disappointment that your unrealistic expectations did not come through in your marriage is one of the top reasons for divorce that occur in the first few months of the marriage.

Another of the top reasons for divorce is “Space Invaders”. Now, I am not talking about aliens from another planet here. I am talking about giving your partner some space, and breathing room. Partners, whom quickly suffocate their partners after marriage, will quickly destroy the attraction between each other. Yes you are partners and a team, but this is part of the relationship that is to be worked on and properly grown. Before your marriage you were single, and had your own lives, this fact will not change overnight just because you said “I Do” Give your partner some space and some breathing room and this will actually grow you together.

Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce. Before you got married, you each had your own financial position and you each decided what to do with your money. Well, now that you are married, your money is your spouse’s money. This can be hard, especially if you both have different spending habits. You need to work together with your finances as one. Be open and honest about your finances, and remember, the next time you are spending a dollar, only fifty cents of it is really yours. Would your partner agree to you spending this money?

As you see from the writing above, all of these top reasons for divorce can be avoided if you consider them at the start of your marriage, or work hard to correct them if you realize the problem is occurring. Your marriage is a growing entity, when it stops growing, it will soon be over. You need to water it, fertilize it, nurture it and care for it. There are many, many more top reasons for divorce not mentioned here, but working on these few issues will be a great start to your marriage, or a great revitalization for it.

Joseph J. Wood, as a professional researcher and author, has dramatically helped many experiencing or about to experience divorce through his writings. On his website, http://www.divorceandyourfamily.info he outlines many more ideas on this topic.

The top reasons for divorce exposed

2007-06-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

Divorce, an ugly word at best, but over half of us will go through it, at least once. What are the top reasons for divorce, and if you see them listed here, can it really help you? If you or a friends marriage is approaching divorce, or if it is all ready there, take a long hard look at these top reasons for divorce to see if you can pin point what the problem is, or what the problem was.

1) Infidelity – Yes, the big “I”. The number one top reason for divorce in America today. Can this reason be solved? Even I cannot answer that.
2) Poor Communication – Don’t take a spouse or marriage fro granted. It needs constant work. Constant communication. Talk to each other, talk about things, anything, just talk.
3) Financial – You will need to work on your finances as a team, not as an individual. Marriage is a team sport, and all financial decisions should be made as a team. If you both made bad financial decisions, it’s harder to get mad at each other.
4) Addictions – This is the fastest growing of the top reasons for divorce. Sorry to say, this cannot be first solved in the marriage itself. The one with the addiction has to come to terms with their addiction first, then they can work with their spouse to recover from the addiction and repair the marriage. This is not only a notorious killer of marriages; it is a notorious killer of people.
5) Changes in Priority – This is a problem that results when there are big changes in your lives. Changes like kids or a new career. Maybe it’s no longer just the two of you, life is changing. She seems to care more about the kids than her husband, and he seems to care more about the career than his wife. There will always be changes in your lives, but in a marriage, you both have to change together.

Well, these are the top reasons for divorce today in North America. There are actually many more, but 80% of the population will find their reasons in the list above. If you marriage is still together, and you both want to save it, work on these topics, and work hard. Every good marriage is worth saving if there is still the element of love between you. In closing the top reasons for divorce really, really do not matter. What matters most is both of your’s top reasons for staying together? Think about that for a while.

Joseph J. Wood, as a professional researcher and author, has dramatically helped many experiencing or about to experience divorce through his writings. On his website, http://www.divorceandyourfamily.info he outlines many more ideas on this topic.

A Great new Squidoo Site

2007-05-31T12:12:00.001-07:00

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Being nice through a divorce

2007-05-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

It is hard to be nice when going through a divorce sometimes. However to keep things easier on yourself and others that are around you, you should work hard to make this divorce go as easy as you can. You have to keep thinking that this is part of your life and you have to make it go, as you would like. You should work at it to keep the peace between you and the spouse that you are separating from. You should also want to keep the peace in the rest of the family as well.
Name-calling is not recommended when you are going through a divorce. This is only childish and going to add to your stress levels. You should not call your spouse or anyone else in the family names. You need to be calm and collected so that you can get through this difficult time and make it as easy on yourself as possible.

Never try and start trouble with your ex. You should be civil to each other and make sure that you are keeping your inner strength so that you are not tempted to start a fight. You should keep your cool and remember that it is always better when you are able to stay calm when you are discussing anything with the ex spouse. You want to make your point across without getting upset or making the other person mad. You need to remember that you have to be part of this person's life for the rest of your life so you need to be good.

If you have children together and you are now getting divorced you need to be extra good. You never want to say anything bad about the divorce in front of the children no matter what age they are. You have a responsibility to protect these children and you do not want to put their emotional well being at risk for anything. You need to keep them out of the fight if there is one as much as possible so that they are not hurt in this battle.

Make sure that you are communicating with your ex. You need to make sure that you are sitting down and discussing what is going on in the divorce. If you have lawyers, you should make sure that they are present as well. It is always good to be fair in a divorce, but you do not want to settle for anything less that what you deserve. This is only fair and it is important that you keep in mind that it is not about revenge or being bitter. It is about getting on with your life and starting over. Keeping the peace is important so that this can go by as quickly and as painless as possible.

Joseph J. Wood
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